Simplicity. Compassion. Joy.
These are the three words that I am living by now. These three words comfort me.
Simplicity as in minimalism. Not just in possessions though, but minimizing all areas of life. I always had my hands in too many pots. Too many interests. Too many things I was trying to do. It was born out of searching for who I was. Looking outside of myself for answers. Reading too many books. Listening to too many gurus. Now, I am learning to slow down and listen to the “still small voice” inside. And to God.
When I think of compassion, I think of compassion not only for others, but for myself. I don’t think you can have one without the other. I try hard not to judge others any longer, but to think instead that I have not walked in their shoes. I was brought up in a very judgmental family and it has taken a long time to silence that critical voice that tends to look at others too harshly. But until I have lived their life, I can’t judge. Or, at least I shouldn’t.
Joy is learning to find the joy in each present moment. Even in and amongst the pain and fatigue is mixed the joy of a sunrise or my dog curling up next to my leg. The joy of my husband offering to rub pain cream on my back or to carry my purse to relieve just a bit more burden from my aching shoulders. The joy of a warm blanket wrapped around me or an ice-pack on my neck. The joy of being alive and on this planet for one more minute.
I was talking to my therapist the other day about how the illness; the chronic fatigue and the pain, had been a blessing in that it had slowed me down. That by making it impossible for me to do much more than lie in bed hour after hour, day after day, week after week, the illness and pain had made me finally stop all of my frantic busyness. All of my crazy searching for who I am… for someone “out there” to tell me what I truly can only find within myself. The crazy searching arose out of my childhood and not ever being validated as a person. My therapist asked me to distill down to one thought what I felt was the message I was given in childhood by my parents. After a few moments of silence, I said, “You are nothing more than a marionette that we animate.” That is the “truth” I felt was drilled into me. That is what I have “known” in my core most of my life. I have truly believed that I am nothing more than a marionette desperately searching for someone to pull my strings so that I can come alive and dance. Otherwise I am just crumpled cloth on the stage floor.
I realize now that I no longer feel this way. I now feel like a whole and capable person fully able to “be” without needing someone else to tell me what to do. I can search inside myself for answers. I can stop my crazy, frantic looking out there and calmly turn inward. When I turn inward, I hear my three words; simplicity, compassion and joy, and I know who I am and why I am here. There is such peace knowing that. Such amazing peace.
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Thank you for sharing your journey to discovering inner-peace. I feel like what you’ve shared with us will inspire me and many others to do the same. To reflect upon what is truly important in life and what holds the most meaning. To reach out and look for the positive in ourselves and others ALWAYS! However, conversely, not allowing yourself to become a doormat to someone else. I think allowing negative energy in will tarnish any compassion you have for yourself or others … eventually. Isn’t there some basic principle or law of the universe that states for anything ……. there has to be ……. ?? My goodness, I can’t think of it right now! Regardless, I agree for every hardship we face, we must remember to look around and see the beauty which surrounds us. There is still so much joy to be had!
Thank you, Tamara, more this most inspiring post.
Oh, dear, had I known about the math problem below with my brain just barely awake and functioning ……! Well, I’ve invested too much time (30 min) to let *simple* math stop me now! So, it’s time to pull out the fingers!