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A Few Square Feet of Bed

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I live in a few square feet of bed
my companion the thoughts in my head.
Loneliness like you can’t imagine.
Guilt my biggest challenge.

Illness has taken over my life.
Making me less than a wife.
I can no longer do laundry, clean or cook.
Due to cognitive difficulties
I can’t read a book.

I never expected my life to look this way.
Or that sleeping is how I would spend my days.
Nobody gets this illness it seems,
but in my dreams…

I wake up one day to a cure,
and everything is changed for sure.
I have energy and I’m not in pain.
I’m sleeping normally and I feel sane!

The sun peeps from behind the clouds.
And I want to shout out loud…
I feel good, I feel good, I feel good,
but before I could…

the dream ends and once again I find
myself trapped in this sick body of mine.
This body that is energy-less and in such pain.
This body with a cognitively challenged brain.

This body I hate/love.
This body I push/shove.
This body I’ve loved and adored.
This body I’ve cared nothing for.

All these mixed feelings are so confusing
some of my thoughts so self-abusing.
Body loathing does not help.
The better experience is love of self.

Loving self despite the handicap.
Doing so though developing a map
to traverse the terrain of the disease
with the most available of ease.

Meditate through my days.
Ask God to show me the way.
Take a nap when in doubt.
Don’t be afraid to reach a hand out.

Yes, I live in a few square feet of bed.
I live my days where I lay my head.
Am I happy about it? No, I’m not.
But right now it is the only life I’ve got.

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