We all have thoughts that haunt us, right? Or is that just me?
I have a particularly troubling thought that has been with me my entire life. The reason why doesn’t matter, but the thought is terribly destructive. The thought is that I both created my own illness and that I keep myself sick.
There is a psychological reason that I believe this that is rooted in childhood. However, that should no longer matter now that I am 50 years old. It is time to change that thought patttern. But how?
I was talking to my Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner. First she asked if I knew that the thought that I created my own illness was true. I responded that I didn’t know it was true. She said, “Then why don’t you change the thought to something that is true, like childhood trauma created the illness?”
I asked, “So you are saying it is as simple as changing my thought? I haven’t had much luck with that through the years.”
Then she said something really profound…
She asked, “Have you ever, in the past, broken up with a boyfriend? Did you ever make the decision that a relationship just wasn’t working and finally you decided to pull the rip cord?” I said of course I had. She said, “How long did it take you to break up once you made that decision?”
Uh, Okay! Point taken! I do think it is a little easier to break up with a boyfriend and he goes his way and you go yours. You break up with your own thoughts and they are still in your head. Her response to that was that some boys keep coming around, wanting to get back together. You usually have thoughts such as what if no one asks me out again? Or, what if I am sitting home alone Friday night?
With your thoughts, you just keep reminding them that you have “broken up” and that you don’t want them around any longer. Then you replace them with something you do want…a good thought, a fun activity, or the thought that the abuse created the illness. Whatever works that is not I created the illness.
Do you have any troubling thoughts that you need to break up with? Maybe it is time to kick them to the curb.
We have abused ourselves long enough!